bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №153243
 31.10.2019
On Reddit, they asked what fact you know would cause you to ask, “What fucking thing do you know! “?”



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Baseball judges are obliged to wear black underwear if their trousers break down during the game.



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If you are trying to destroy the body, then the alkaline will make it much cooler than acid. Acid is very difficult to obtain because it is an ingredient for explosives. Caustic soda is much more affordable, it is even part of soap. Once done, you will have a liquid with which you can fill the barrels and bury them somewhere. Even bones will be destroyed, they will turn into calcinated sediment. In general, you can dispose of the liquid as you want, it can even be used as a fertilizer!



Use pigs as an alternative. They eat anything and leave no trace. And yes, pork shit is a great fertilizer!



Be careful with anyone who owns a pig farm.



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After Alois Alzheimer spoke the first speech in history describing the symptoms of Alzheimer’s, no one in the audience asked him any questions or made any comments because they were all excited by the speech of the next guy on the list about compulsive masturbation.



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Although frogs have long tongues, they can’t use it to push food to their throats like humans do. Therefore, when food is in their mouth, they close their eyes and push it into their throat with their eyeballs.



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Spare on the body stomach before throwing it into the water. So it will not swell up and not emerge...



- Written by a guy who frequently commented on the topic of serial killers OO



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All mammals, from domestic cats to elephants, urinate about the same amount of time.



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Brothers and sisters, or parents and children who were separated from each other at birth or at an early age, are very sexually attractive to each other if they happen to meet in life. This phenomenon is called genetic attraction.



Well, the original Star Wars trilogy now makes sense.



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To keep the human body under water, you need about 6 standard bricks. 6 standard concrete blocks.



Is it with a swollen stomach or not?



I look at you studying.)



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An erection that lasts more than 4 hours is considered abnormal and dangerous because it leads to blood stagnation and then gangrene.



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Napolitan King Ferdinand I did not feel any compassion for his defeated enemies, and after falsely promising them an amnesty, killed them. After their murders, he mummified the bodies and added to his museum collection of mummies. If he thought someone was plotting a conspiracy against him, he simply took them with him on a tour of the museum, which was completely unhealthy, but effective.



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Male bedbugs try to sexually penetrate everything they come into contact with, even people.



Yes, because the female bedbugs do not have a hole for mating, and the males have to swallow it independently with their curved and sharp penis.



It turns out that anyone who dealt with bed bugs was raped by them.



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Sometimes, when horses are bored, they slide their penis over their stomachs so they masturbate.



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Many species of sea cucumbers evolved with teeth in the rectum, which prevented other animals from penetrating into them.



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Most cruise launches are equipped with morges for recording passengers who died during the flight.



“I’ve read somewhere that many older people have started using cruise ships instead of old-age homes. Monthly cruise tickets cost approximately the same as the cost of a monthly stay at the institution. But on board, there are all the conditions for "active" life, delicious food, cleaning, doctors and, most importantly, good weather and sea air.



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The male giraffe beats his head around the female’s bladder until she urines, and then tests the urine to determine whether the female is ovulating.



I will try to do this with my wife.



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The Nazis pumped blood from Soviet children to transfer it to their wounded soldiers.



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Most of the dolphin population is the result of rape.



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Basically, male molluscs have the longest penis-to-body ratio, and the penis actually comes out of the molluscs and goes looking for a female to have sex.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №153242
 31.10.2019
Dear car drivers! In politics and business, there is no division between boys and girls.

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №153241
 31.10.2019
I went on a trip to Peter. In the Sapporo.

I am late, I run through the building of the station, distracting passengers. I understand that the train has to go a minute back, and the trains are not planes, they are rarely delayed. But I always struggle to the last: "And suddenly I didn't leave?!“”

I run to the perron, it’s worth it.
I pushed up. Here, from the door of the last wagon, a aunt in a railway shape rises up and puts her hand on me: "Fast run!“”

I walked into the door, and my aunt barely turned. I breath with the frequency of the alternating current. I hear someone in the back of my aunt ask:
What is there?
He was sitting! He responds.
The doors closed and the train hit.

I specifically defamed. I think I woke up famous. I don’t understand why suddenly?! to

I turn around, and there the stunned Boyarski stands.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №153240
 31.10.2019
At business training, we were once told, “Don’t say the word problem, say the word task.” Now everything has come to its place. Now you can not worry. Alcohol is not my problem, it is my job.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №153239
 31.10.2019
He worked in a couple of male groups, where single copies of girls were found. In appearance, they are terrible. Nature, the fox, separated them with both appearance and figure. But these girls were so cute and pleasant in communication that they quickly stopped paying attention to their exterior. These girls were barely worn on their hands. What burned the curtains of local beauties: "what, say, they (men) found such in these silver curtains (this is so local beauties about our favourites)". Beautiful and homeless, that after communicating with them created a disgusting feeling of "dog shit on the rifle floor." And after communicating with the frighteners, there was such warmth in the soul as if the goddess had embraced him.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №153238
 30.10.2019
I had a relationship with an alcoholic in the past. I was young and stupid. I met on vacation with a beautiful man, a romance that continued after coming home. After some time it turned out that the hero of my novel actually drinks bitter, and on vacation he had just a period of sobriety. He was just drowned by his family after another drink. I was deeply in love and believed that with the power of my love I would be able to save him, to pull him out of the mud, to make him stop drinking. I realized it was impossible, only a few months later. The man drank, as it turned out, all his conscious life and kept on the float only thanks to his relatives. But at first I was wearing pink glasses and going on dates with him, and then I even lived with him for a while until the same pink glasses slept. Every meeting with him was wonderful in its own way. But I especially remembered one thing. In the winter evening, I came to the arranged place, under the shop next to his house. There was no cavalry. I waited ten minutes and decided to call him. Maybe something happened.

Then I am I, this guy.

I am...Hello! Something happened? I have been waiting for you for 10 minutes. You will not come? have forgotten?

H: No is no. I have come. I am here.

I: How did I come? You are not here.

Q: I am here. And I see you. You are in a white jacket.

Yes, in the white. Where are you?

I fell behind the cars and lay down. But I see you.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №153237
 30.10.2019
xxx: I had a pipe flowing and a neighbor on the ground floor was fighting for a long time. It seemed like it was fine, promising not to bother anymore.

Three years passed. I am on a mission. The hotel. A tube breaks in my room. At the floor below, also on a business trip, was my neighbor.

Between the house and the hotel about 6000 km.

YYY: I respect you! Pursue the neighbors.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №153236
 30.10.2019
Once the first-class son confessed that he fell in love with the girl Masha in the class.

Some time later, Masha’s mother shared with my wife the secret that Masha was also indifferent to my son.

So, on the weekend, all of the class went on a day trip. I watched the lovers. They were the most indifferent people.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №153235
 30.10.2019
Young people are always expensive.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №153234
 30.10.2019
At the beginning of the 20th century, the goalkeeper of the Czech national team, František Planicka, was famous for his ability to confidently beat the penalties of even the best bombers. When an eleven-metre-long was assigned to his gate, he seemed to take off the cap from his head, sweep it into the gate and took his position. Nine times out of ten, the opponent's team's footballer hit exactly the corner of the gate where the cap went.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №153233
 30.10.2019
On the first wedding night, the young people in bed long corresponded on the phone and fell asleep tired and happy.

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №153232
 29.10.2019
xx: Just yesterday it was necessary to dismantle the old Soviet closet for discharge. So I settled with my son. I pulled things out. A 12-year-old boy found a bag, and in it an anal congestion. I asked, what is it, Mom? I immediately found something to answer - it's daddy's stuff, don't touch, give it here! Of course, this is not my husband's block, my husband gave me. I don’t know why he said that, but I was ashamed. I need to tell my husband, suddenly the son will ask.

Yyy: In a couple of years he will find out what it was and he will be ashamed of his father.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №153231
 29.10.2019
Your humour reminded me of Camilla.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №153230
 29.10.2019
One day, I borrowed a foldable table from my neighbors. They gave me a table and gave me a dolma. In order not to return the plate empty, I presented a charlotte. The next day, the neighbor's son brought a shale and asked not to fall into the recursion.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №153229
 29.10.2019
Simplified urine analysis.
Go out and write in the garden.
If ants gather - diabetes.
If you urinate on your feet - prostatitis.
If it smells like a barbecue, cholesterol is exaggerated.
If when shaking your wrist hurts - arthrosis.
If the fingers are gout.
If when shaking you still managed to do 5-6 step-by-step movements - Parkinson's disease.
And if you go back to your room with your penis out of your pants – Alzheimer’s disease.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №153228
 29.10.2019
Once I argued with a girl that there is no truth in the horoscopes, and she replied that I don’t understand anything, that you have to believe the stars and everything like that.

So I told her, let me read the horoscope about you (she’s a cancer), and you’ll tell me how much the stars are right :)

In general, I read: you are a purposeful person, love order, maintain comfort and sometimes with your character you are not simple, bla, bla, bla.

She always said, in point, it’s about me, yes, it’s me.

Would you see her eyes when I told her I read the horoscope about Taurus?

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №153227
 29.10.2019
There were two people coming from the gas service, watching the plate.

First, it smells like gas.

Everything is okay, it’s me.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №153226
 29.10.2019
One of my friends tried his sperm. The taste is specific, but I’t say it’s disgusting. The sea water looks like something, but the consistency is different. Well, according to him.

yyy: Ah, friend, of course, according to his words)

xxx: Okay, things are different, you can even try.

YYY: Did he fall and accidentally suck?

xxx: 1) kissing your partner after she made you piss

2) Oral affectionate partner's breasts after dropping her on tits

3) cunnilingus after unprotected sex to make the matter crazy, or to prevent the partner from cooling before the second event.

Okay, a slide

How to eat your sperm if you are embarrassed

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №153225
 28.10.2019
I have coughed often lately. Ordered on the advice of a friend tea collection on herbs "pure lungs" is called. The courier arrives tonight.

I went to the store and said to my husband:

- here the courier should come, if anything, receive delivery, I ordered tea for my lungs.

A glance to my side:

Do you think you are easy?

...

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №153224
 28.10.2019
What is the difference between the roof and the government? The roof takes money and solves problems, and the government takes money and creates problems. They decide the roof.

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