A colleague at work tells me.

His son began to stay in school, decided to take his discipline. Among other measures, the television (modern some apparatus, with wifi, etc. So that the child does not get stuck. In the evening comes - the son is sitting, YouTube is watching TV. It turns out that the password does not apply to YouTube. In fact, Diane is only looking at him.

I say to my colleague, “Congratulations, you are Roskomnadzor!”

In the 1960s, an International Congress on Artificial Languages was held in Italy, developed by mathematical linguists to communicate with extraterrestrial minds if discovered in future space expeditions. During the break, several delegates, including one of the developers of the ALGOL language, John Bacus, went for a lunch at the cafe, where a nice Italian woman spoke to them. The mathematicians did not know the Italian language, there was no translator nearby, and then one of them was obscured.



“Listen,” he said to the developer of Algol. There is no doubt that this sinorina is a intelligent living system. As such, it must understand your ALGOL, which is considered powerful for understanding even unknown to us extraterrestrial beings. Try to talk to her!

The scientist immediately drew a series of obvious mathematical formulas on the towel, as he thought. She quickly looked at the message, scratched something underneath it and returned it to John Bacus. He turned the paper and saw under his formulas the answer: $20.

In the reflection, I noticed what aunt was watching my phone. Include the porn.

Aunt is watching, but already with a red face.

So we drove.

I go to work. In front of me is a father with a son-oboltus aged 14-15. The father (p) warns his son (c):

How many times have I told you! Do not scratch the pimples on your face! has spoken?

c) He said...

Q. Are you chewing?

c) The Chechnya...

You know I won’t even blame you anymore, you punish yourself! All your friends will have girls, and you will have a bicycle.

Regional Gas: Prepare the tranche under the cut.

I: So long ago I hit it all and I buried it all!

Regional Gas: You have not been hit. Prepare the trance.

I: Okay, I’ll go now and open all the cranes, I’ll check.

Local Gas: No No is! No is! Do not open anything.

There is no gas, right? There was no stroke.

Don’t worry, we’ll send you a specialist tomorrow morning.

The husband noticed that the wife before cooking cuts the tips of sausages.

Why do you do so?

I don’t know, my mom always did that.

I called Tess.

My grandmother cooked that.

The grandmother stumbled when she heard a conversation:

Are you still cooking in my little pot?

A long time ago, when I was working in a furniture salon, we received a request for a very large wall. We called the customer, agreed that on this day we can deliver during the day, but we will not have time to collect. They got "good", the wall was delivered minute by minute, well, and the evening began to shake.

It turned out that by phone we agreed not with the customer, but with her daughter, as a result the customer called us at 21: 00, an approximate dialogue:

Why not collect? ! to

"We had agreed in advance that we would deliver, but the collection brigade did not have time today.

You did not agree with me! The boxes are here!

We called on the number specified in the contract.

This is my daughter’s phone. I did not have to negotiate anything with her. She only had to open the door!

-Please, but this is not specified in the contract, the phone is indicated as contact.

You could guess! So, all, send me your collectors, let them collect.

No one is working today, the assembly is scheduled for tomorrow at 10: 00.

How do we sleep with these boxes? ! to

You have a wall, not a bed. Can you wait until tomorrow?

My baby is sleeping in this room. ! to You are forcing my child to sleep in a room with boxes, like in a warehouse, you understand? ! to

Sorry, I can’t help at the moment. You can write a complaint to the director tomorrow.

I don’t need your claims! I need this wall. My baby is sleeping in this room, you know? ! to I am pregnant, you know? ! to

Then a lot of word. Later it turned out that her 25-year-old pregnant daughter was sleeping in this room. The child is pregnant...

I sit down in the morning, scratching the fluid and not touching anyone. At half ten a.m. a favorite boss calls on his cell phone.

- Hear, there, up to ten people will jump to the interview. Let’s go, get a cockpit. You know what to do, I don’t teach you.

A few words about how we conduct interviews. We don't have that you go through many stages, each of which you need to like everyone, from the general manager to the cat living at the guard. It is easier. You are invited, you fill out a small questionnaire on the A4 sheet, communicate with hr, then immediately with someone of the specialists on your profile and all. At the end of the questionnaire there are two columns, where they leave feedback about the candidate. We have an open vacancy in the department for six months, which will not be closed, so I and my colleagues periodically go to communicate with applicants, but so far unsuccessfully.

I called the staff department, they say, yes, there is a candidate, and I am waiting for half-on-one. She went until she issued him a pass to the main territory and went to an interview.

I come. A young man is sitting. HR says everything is fine and puts his visa in the questionnaire. I take the "victim" with me and go on a tour, reading the questionnaire. 34 years old (look younger), the education is profile, there is work experience. I begin to figure out how. At first I was embarrassed (I’m sure I was beaten up by my non-earthly beauty, he-he), but then I spoke. And the more we talk, the more clearly I understand that he has to be taken straight and dragged to us, because the candidate is ideal. And the most interesting thing is that he is happy too.

She called the boss, pleased him, and he says it will be in the afternoon. The candidate, he says, let go, it will not go anywhere. Well, okay, I took a man out, went out to lunch myself.

At three o’clock the boss calls. I bring the questionnaire and say, the applicant is ideal - we will introduce him into the course of affairs in a week and a specialist will be ready. And the boss looks at the questionnaire, looks at it, and says no, we won’t take it. I am standing like a fool with the eyes of a cowboy.

“Look at yourself,” says the boss and ticks his finger into the questionnaire. He is 34 years old, right? He has no car, he has no right. Every normal man has rights. If he is not right, then he is either crazy or sick. Such are not needed. Let us continue to search.

I went back to work and told my colleagues about the circle. And they calmly say that the boss is right. Cars may not be, but the right is an indicator. There is no reason to think that a person has a problem.

Sometimes unnoticed, we went from “No Money, but You Hold” to “No Money? What if I find?”

A little about opera.
In the early and mid-70s, opera theaters often put operas such as "A Tale of a Real Man", the opera "Mother", the ballet "Angara". When I was younger, I preferred the classics.
This story took place in 1974 in the glorious city of Kharkiv. We took our eighth grade to watch this very "Mother" in the production of the local opera theater. I can’t say I was incredibly happy to see this action. But under the fear of the two in the literature quarter had to go.
Come, sit down, turn off the lights, the show begins. Nothing interesting I remembered, not even the opera itself. But it was very well remembered to visit the DND Support Point, located next to the theater. What have I forgotten there? Not alone, but with the company. For what? The case was so.
While the opera was going, the boys and I quietly chatted anecdotes and did not disturb anyone. Then break and cake with lemonade.
The next action. Shut down the light. Anxious music. The curtain opens, on the side of the scene a door, in the middle a simple wooden kitchen table, the table is ordinary, on it sits Paul, dressed in a shirt, boots and a pinjack. There is a huge book on the table, a grand bucket. Paul whispers something and leads his finger on the book, like a Jew on the Talmud, such as studying science, engaged in self-education. Through the doors pass workers-peasants in pants and shirts tied by a thin belt and workers-peasants in shirts and long sweaters. They become a half-circle behind Paul, the most important comes forward, putting his hand on Paul’s shoulder and a beautiful, powerful baryton:
and Paweel! I have yours! The Jeandarms have gone on!!! to
The chorus follows:
“Your mother, your mother, the gendarmes have led.
It was the straw that broke the back of the camel. It should also be understood that adolescents of the transitional age look, almost without brakes. I answered the first word with a loud voice:
To have yours.
Immediately there were followers. From the other ends of the room was heard:
Your mother...
The horse rose terribly. I think, even the teacher. The show stopped. But I was taken out and a few more, so to say, “volunteer singers-assistants.” We were taken to this very “point of reference.” There is a lieutenant of the brave Soviet militia. They put us in front of him.
So what happened?
What did we do? You will think, just laughed. Cho, you can’t laugh anymore.
The word, for the word, had to lose this scene in the face. I would say without boasting, it was no worse than in the theatre. Most importantly, the audience was delighted. The laughter began with the first replica and did not shut down until the end of our small performance. The lieutenant, wiping his tears, advised him to enter the circus school.

What is it?
Program of exploring the moon.
- So... plaster, sand concrete, parquet, tiles, Italian furniture... Norm. Where to sign?

My favorite feature of Pratchett in novels: if he describes fierce wildness and absurdity, then most likely it is a completely real fact from the history of Britain.

When I was a child, I was afraid that when I spoke to people they would hear something completely different, I would try to write them something and I would see one thing, and they would read something completely different.

Worked in technical support, the phobia has become a gray reality.

The lamb, whom the lion did not eat out of pity, will always be confident in his own greatness, invincibility and superiority over all predators.

and Taxi. I take the order on the spot, the client, the girl, talking, carried her somehow already, remembered. We talked on the road. She tells us:
We were forbidden to work! If you don’t hold up and someone hears, the prize will be cut! As a child, I am a teacher in kindergarten!!! to
I kept the drive exclusively reflexive.

You should not be afraid of aliens, but people who have seen them.

He works with us in the organization of gas maker Vital. He is a healthy man, powerful. See also 198. Weighs under 140 or more. He is engaged in powerlifting. I even tried to speak, but did not give up.

But there is one problem – Vitaly’s voice is very thin, even very gentle and feminine. The paradox yes. Testosterone machine with a female voice. His director even invited the sales department to push services by phone. The type of scope of activity knows, the voice is, it will work out. But it’s all on the level of humor, of course.

When you see him for the first time and start communicating, it is very difficult to keep laughing. He understands it himself, jokes, like eating his girlfriend and she climbs out. Everyone is used to it and there is no problem.

And recently, Vitaly explained why his performances in the sport did not end. Again because of the voice.

At competitions, when he pulls and sits with a barrel, not a terrible lion's whistle comes out of his mouth... but a scream in the style of Maria Sharapova. In all competitions, he was the biggest guy. And it all caused wild rust in the room. This, of course, is difficult to cope with and so Vitaly decided that the competition was not for him.

By the way, according to Vitaly himself, his mother’s voice is very low and even bass.

The bell in the entrance means: “Citizens, at the buffet the theater works!”

A partner from Canada spoke the day before about the atrocities of women’s organizations and the fight against harassment.
I remembered this story:

In the early 2000s, a foreign journalist came to the businessmen’s forum and began to ask questions about the relationships within the team and the attitude of managers to such service novels.
The reaction of managers varies from acute rejection and even dismissal, to understanding, if it does not interfere with work.
He addresses a man under 50, who looks like a brutal Russian Siberian:
How do you deal with corporate romance and relationships within the group?
We have everything at the highest level. All conditions for relationships are created, no one interferes, moreover - there is a possibility to keep the relationship in complete secret. But to be honest, in 20 years of work, I have not heard of a single novel or relationship.
How is it? You say that there are all the conditions, and even the possibility to keep the relationship secret, and there has been no precedent in 20 years?
In my company, I have 400 long-distance drivers working in pairs. The average route is 5-8 days, all the time together, the bed right in the car.

The government rejects the progressive income tax scale, motivated by the fact that it will not be able to control taxpayers. The tax paradox. They will be able to control millions of unemployed and self-employed, and a few thousand oligarchs will not.