Asked Google "what is different from a bodybuilder", Google replied to me "You may have meant: what is different from a bodybuilder".

And I always get: "Refusal of a Schengen visa! Fast and reliable!" And contacts. That's why I can't understand the visa refusal for a long time.

I suspect my cat is cuddling.
He left yesterday, came this morning, climbed on the carpet, drank water and fell to sleep.

This story was told by my coach. In the court of 1968, Moscow, he served in the army. Once upon a time, together with two of their comrades, they meet three girls. They meet with them in every dismissal, take care of them, take them to the cinema... And one day, during the next meeting, one of the girls carelessly joked about what they said, three provincial guys, didn’t read them, indigenous Moscow girls... Word by word, they fought; the soldiers turned and left, hotly telling their friends a bunch of ugliness. One of them served as a writer. And then a couple of weeks later, he accidentally intercepts a letter from one of these girls. It is addressed to the commander of the unit. He opened it and read it. Naturally, it was said that ordinary people behave rude, show disrespect, ask to take action... all in this spirit. The challenge is accepted. They gather together and start to come up with the answer. After printing it on the machine, they extract the stamp and, after fake the signature of the commander of the unit, send a letter. After a while, the girl receives the following message: “Dear Comrade, the girl’s surname. Thank you for your timely appeal... Your complaint has been considered, an official investigation has been conducted, the culprits have been punished... By the decision of the military tribunal, ordinary persons have been sentenced to death. The sentence is executed in such a number.”

Sex on the phone:
I’m now taking off one shirt... now the second... now the third...
Are you from Chernobyl?
I am from Verkhovna. It is very cold here...

From the comment of a girl who does not want to have children, about how her colleagues get detoxified ("pre-retirement age girls"): "Listen, well, when will you leave us in a decree? Do you know what to do? Hold his legs, hold it next time, hold it like a tick! They will not go anywhere afterwards – they will not give up on their own!"

I went to the “Alcohol” department yesterday.

Immediately he was "attacked" by a man in a white shirt:

To help you with the choice?

I’ve been buying whiskey there for five years, I know everything about stocks, and about Kegel, and so on.

In order to respect a man, I ask:

What is the difference between this and that bottle of whisky? It seems that both brands are single-sold, and the duration is the same, and the price is twice different.

I get an answer.

An employee of an alcoholic shop.

A serious office.

In Moscow.

In the 21st century.

His only task is to understand drinking.

In full seriousness.

With a high nose.

With knowledge of the matter.

Different types of grapes.



So how is it?

I have a friend. He was married three times and all these times divorced because of the betrayal of his wife. I sit in the kitchen with him and drink beer. And then he says, “I’ll know when they’re cheating!” How is? - I, when I go on a business trip, unnoticed my toilet, and when I come immediately you can see that there was a man in the house, under the chair on the toilet drops of urine! And the wives immediately stumbled and put it all out to him.

300 km from our city there is a village, in the village lives a witch-grandmother, who is rumored to "coding" from bad habits, they say that even someone helped. A few years ago, the company of my friends decided to quit smoking, they went to this grandmother, with them for the company went my acquaintance, craving smoker, to quit smoking she did not intend, went for the company and for the company also "coded", wanted to check if it would work on her "witchcraft". After that, she began to get sick from cigarettes and even cracked, so it lasted two weeks, but she gathered all her will in her fist smoked, fighting sickness and disgust, in order not to give up in any case.

I drove from Petrozavodsk to Petrozavodsk a month ago, night, rain. Somewhere in the area of Lonets on the side is a car, and the driver is actively mastering with his hand. I drive 200 meters further, and still think I need to stop, suddenly trouble in a person.

I give it back, lock the door and drop the glass. A man approaches and with some unclear accent says:

“Good evening, I have finished gasoline.



Well, I think, another Roma divorce, now will offer a gold ring of bronze or chain in exchange for a couple of liters of gasoline and a couple of thousands of rubles. I say:

Do not get out of my car.



And then in the mirror I notice that four people come out of his car and everyone approaches me and greet me with a Caucasian accent. To say that in the middle of the forest, at night, I became somehow uncomfortable surrounded by 5 southerners, too soft. One of them says:

- Take one of us to the gas station, here the navigator shows, there is a 10 km gas station.



I answered:

How will he get back to the car at night?



And I think - ah, now he will sit down, then knock on his head, and they will later come to share the prey.

Let's, I say, on the rope, if I am clinging to the rope, and I don't get out of the car myself. In the hope that they don’t have it.



The rope was found. We picked up, we went. I throw them, and I think, can I knock stronger and drop?

Not an option - on the rear glass of my car advertisement, and in the advertisement the wife's phone - will then call and threaten.



In general, I went further, turned in the direction of Lonets on the old narrow road in the middle of the forest, then went on the road along the river and the villages. I look in the mirror - behind our driveway in the distance appeared a car, and for some reason my "trailer" began to actively brake, the car overcame us, and it became easier for me to drag them again, then the headlights appeared again from the back, and the situation with the braking of the rear car repeated.



Anyone who has been to villages and villages knows that there are either no lights at all, or one at the club. So, when the second car also overcame us, the trailer began to flash my light and brake.

I get up, drop the glass, comes a completely frightened and pale driver, asks:

Dear man, where are we going? The navigator stopped showing.



I show him my navigator - refuelling here, 4 kilometers left.

We went, got to the gas station, and here they jump out of the car, and joyfully jumping like children on the break start to thank me and sweep money in my hands!

I say:

I will not take! Not accepted on the road!



in response:

- Show respect, please take the gasoline, God has sent you to us!



They said goodbye, I went and thought – who was worse – them or me?

What time do we live in that we are so afraid of each other?

The story of a three-year-old boy who bitten a poisonous snake.
That's why you can't leave the children without supervision, took a snake bitten, and if he bites someone else?

The complex of inferiority is when you send a person an electronic version of the document, in the body of the letter you ask if you need another paper version, and having received the answer "no, better send an electronic", you start to think not about the fact that the person just stumbled and did not notice the attachment, but about why your electronic version is not sufficiently electronic.

Sarah Connor was on Saturday.
Played in Preference.
The torch breaks wherever you go.
Motorcycle clothes

Here you are surprised by the popularity of house-2, and this is essentially a local ideal society: vacant beautiful bodies, people are engaged only in sex, food, entertainment and no work and responsibility. Fig Lee, the animal way of life is attractive.

Why is chemistry in foods cheap and chemistry in pharmacies is expensive?

Stories about companions on the roads. I drove from Petrozavodsk to Petrozavodsk a month ago, night, rain. Somewhere in the area of Lonets on the side is a car, and the driver is actively mastering with his hand. I drive 200 meters further, and I still think I need to stop suddenly trouble a person. I give it back, lock the door and drop the glass. The man approaches and with some unclear accent says: “Young man, good night, I have finished gasoline. Well, I think another Roma divorce will now offer a gold ring or chain in exchange for a couple of liters of gasoline and a couple of thousands of rubles. I tell you not to get out of my car. And then in the mirror I notice that four people come out of his car and everyone approaches me and greet me with a Caucasian accent. To say that in the middle of the forest, at night, I became somehow uncomfortable surrounded by 5 southerns, too soft. One of them says: "Take one of us to the gas station, then the navigator shows there is a 10km gas station. How will he get back to the car at night? And I think—aga, now he will sit down, then he will knock on his head, and they will later come to share the prey... Let me say on the rope, if I eat—close to the car, and I don’t get out of the car. In the hope that they don’t have it. The rope was found. We picked up, we went. I throw them, and I think I can knock stronger and drop them? Not an option-on the rear-glass of my car advertising, but in the advertising phone of my wife-will then call and threaten..In general, I go further, turned to the side of Lonets on the old narrow road in the middle of the forest, then drove out on the road along the river and villages. I look in the mirror - behind our backpack in the distance appeared a car, and for some reason my "trailer" began to actively brake, the car overtook us and it became easier for me to drag them again, then the headlights appeared again from behind, and the situation with the braking of the rear car repeated... Who has been in villages and villages knows that there are no lights at all or one at the club. So, when the second car also overcame us, the trailer began to flash my light and brake. I get up, I drop the glass, the completely frightened and pale driver approaches and asks, “Dear man, where are we going? The navigator stopped showing. I show him my navigator-tanker here, 4 kilometers left. We went, got to the gas station, and here they jump out of the car, and joyfully jumping like children on the break start to thank me and squeeze money in my hands! I say, I will not take! Not accepted on the road! Respect, please take the gasoline, God has sent you to us. I said goodbye, I went and thought, who was worse than them or me? What time do we live in that we are so afraid of each other?

Today, a Russian who goes to a store without his package can safely be attributed to the middle class.

<Smile_toys> this is the lunch day?
<Sleeping_toys> 12?
<Sleeping_toys> or 13?
<PDX> 13 is a fucking midday.

Long time not filled:
" with accuracy, and vice versa."

The KKK:
One of my friends in student years gave up regularly and very strongly. His younger sister-excellent comes from school all in tears — she got 4 for the dictatorship — wrote: "In the woods they were crucified under the sounds of the guitar."