bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №157343
 21.12.2021
and Saturnalia. On this day in Rome, slaves were dressed in lord's clothes and sat with them at the table. And the masters watched the relaxed slaves, who and how they behaved, and made conclusions.
In the modern world, corporations have been invented for these purposes.

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157342
 21.12.2021
When I was a child, I lived in a communal. Aunt Lily’s neighbor had a 15-year-old son Serge. A normal family. Dad did not, but Lily tried as much as she could, the son had everything and even a little more. At one point, the child stopped eating at home. My mother is trying so hard. If he eats, he is hungry all day. Somewhere it lasted half a year. And here is a report of local news about dining rooms for bombs. And there Sergey and friends woven a roasted soup for both cheeks. And I had to take an interview with him: Daddy is not, Mom is drinking. I have to walk here to eat. He caught it at home! Especially when my mom drinks. She even called a few friends and friends, asked what to help and told about the harm of alcohol and that she has a son, you need to tie a whistle.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №157341
 20.12.2021
This story was told to me by my work colleague. Following her words.

I was born in a small town near the Lithuanian-Belarus border. My mother has a younger sister and her son is my cousin Paul. Paul and I have a three month difference. All the time I lived in my little homeland I was compared to Pasha and always the comparison was not in my favor. My aunt didn’t miss the opportunity to inject me and constantly compared us. "Look at Pasha as the year ended, look at how he performed in the competitions, look at what his friends athletes are cool, etc." The most surprising thing I have studied is better than Pasha and in some subjects is noticeably better. I had a dream of studying abroad after school. I found a university in Scotland in Glasgow, told my mother, my mother shared the news with her sister and Pasha also wanted to study abroad. After school we tried to enter, we smiled luck and we both did. The first semester I was paid, then I received a grant for training. I studied IT, and Pasha had something to do with the restaurant business. After a year of study, Pasha said that it was not his and fled to the vast parts of Europe. I graduated from university, then found a job in Lincoln, Ireland, and worked there before the Covid pandemic began.

After the start of the pandemic, she negotiated with the boss and decided to work remotely and returned to her hometown, to her small cozy Lithuanian town, the benefit of the internet is now almost everywhere. Returning home, the first thing to do was to bypass her homeland, classmates and just close people. And here it turns out that the younger generation just has some kind of Pashka cult. Aunt calls everyone look at my and shows a photo in Pashkin’s Instagram, there Pashka rides on a cool car, here Pashka with some old shit presses hands, here Pashka on a yacht and so on. One evening, guests came to my mom and my aunt also stopped, after drinking hot drinks, my aunt broke and examples of how to live began, "but here is my Pasha..."

I quietly open the Instagram profile of Pasha's boss and his husband in one person and tell the guests:



"Look, here Pasha with her husband on the beach by the sea, and here Pasha works as a waitress in her husband's cafe, but here at the wedding they both congratulate two young athletes. But here is this photo of Pasha at the parade in Amsterdam, and so on.

The silence in the room was such that it was heard as water flowed through the central heating pipes. Aunt woke up and said:

"Pasha, go find a normal man, not that you are a lonely dordana.

The curtain.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №157340
 20.12.2021
Aaa: When I was at the NHL match, it really felt like only the whites were allowed.



BBB: So they’re all on basketball.



CCC: Well, there is a division. Negroes are more in basketball and American football, Latinos in football, but in hockey whites are the overwhelming majority.



Where are the yellow ones going?



Eee: to work

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №157339
 20.12.2021
XXX: The familiar parents. There were two childless couples. Treated and tried. Well, one day, they came to the conclusion that they should try to exchange for a bit of partners. It all worked from the first time. In the process of waiting for children, they divorced and married in reverse. Everything went by mutual agreement, everyone is still communicating.

By the way, the story is told by my mother to me that before people were different. You know, these two families were married in the opposite. There was simply no internet.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №157338
 20.12.2021
There were two friends, let's call them Chuk and Hek, so that the real names are not revealed. They were both married and had children. A family lived in a private house for two owners - each in its own half. Chuk and Gek went to the guard for several months, earned good money and lived in their mouths. But once, Gek stumbled on the job, and he was fired. And on another trip Chuk went alone. When he returns home, he finds Heka in his bed in his wife’s arms. A scandal, a fight, another scandal, the wife of Heck learns about it, and another scandal. He gathers Geka’s clothes and tells him to get rid of it. He goes to live in Chuk's house for a short time, which his wife also put out at the time, although very unfortunate. A chunk of Offige from all of this Santa Barbara goes to live with Heka's wife. They have lived so since then. They seem to have reconciled.



A crazy combination.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №157337
 20.12.2021
I once, when I was five years old, listened at the tourbase as a mother of one child told one story to her son at night. I realized that this was their favorite story for the night. And it was this story of how the fascists caught the guerrilla and there for a long time cut something, cut, then put on the back of the hot iron.

My son probably slept well. I hadn’t slept for years, if I remembered. Unanswered questions still remain, how the son grew up and what with the head of that mother.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №157336
 20.12.2021
Often the way through the thorns to the stars is a road through a spike in the urticaria.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №157335
 20.12.2021
It is forbidden to indicate the position and nationality of criminals.

When, after loud crimes involving Southerners, a bill was submitted to the State Duma prohibiting the indication of the nationality of criminals, all citizens thought that the bottom was already reached. But at that moment they knocked down from the State Duma itself. The entire Deputy Chairman of the Committee on Security and Counter-Corruption said that in crimes without intent it is not necessary to indicate the position of the criminal.

And as an example of such a criminal was a drunk Tyumen investigator, who shot down to death two road workers cleaning the snow. It turns out that the killer, intentionally sitting drunk driving, has no intention of bad, no. And the principal thing is to prohibit saying that a detective was driving. He does not think to report to law enforcers that riding a buchy is harmful to the health of others. We understand that the investigator in the rank of a major has no idea about the effects of alcohol on the body. This knowledge is only possessed by Colonels and above. Maybe to educate them?

Obviously, citizens who drive drunk driving do not do it once in their lives, but regularly. And their dangerous business colleagues know this. And all pocket. And when it leads to a logical summary, do not write the place of work, do not spoil the reputation of the organization! Reputation is not ruined by the criminal, but by those who talk about the criminal.

It is not a matter of reputation, nor is it a matter of inciting inter-ethnic anger (as in the case of indicating nationalities). Simply in criminals, most criminals see themselves. The thief’s hat is burning. When a crime is committed by officials (or persons without nationality), the attention to them increases by order. And it is logical: if a person was shot down by a drunk sanitary, it is bad, of course, but what to take from it? And when the same thing is done by a person who is depicted in power and represents the state, it is very different. Once he goes to such a job, he has a greater responsibility. Demand from him too.

But the increased attention of citizens makes it impossible to resolve the issue quietly, as the prohibitors are used to. When a crime is discussed all over the Internet, the people involved are basically afraid to take the money, because they can go with a trailer. And the criminal, horror, will have to be punished according to the laws of the Russian Federation! But for prohibitionists, who are accustomed to saying that everyone is equal and they are more equal, this is completely unacceptable. And they try their best to make the attention of citizens avoid such crimes. After all, yesterday came for a drunk investigator, today for a criminal without nationality, and tomorrow what, for the banker himself? He lives according to the law, right?! to

So these forbidden most likely burned bandages, which have reached the power and the high cabinets, if you dig them, there will be a lot of things, and with this many and protectors involved.
Here as if the whole investigation has long been blurred and knows who will come out.
Therefore, it is better to ban everything and keep it secret.
Why are the archives not disclosed? Someone will be very uncomfortable. The houses protect themselves.
All these pop-up videos from the FSIN say well about it, and how many are not revealed?
Maybe I’m wrong, but then disclose what you’re hiding?

It’s like cockroaches that go out into the kitchen at night and start to eat everything that’s not stuck. They are most afraid of lighting. Because after that, the night will cease to be dark, and they will begin to beaten in the most intimate places. And the cockroaches with a whisper run to hide in all the gaps, only to escape the betrayal light. Just like the prohibitors are hiding from the light of the media. Only the cockroaches can not forbid the lighting in the kitchen at night.

For prohibitionists, a revelation, but on the calendar 2021 year. For many decades, they have become accustomed to the fact that if something was not said on the First Channel and not written in the Moscow Komsomolsk, then it is not. Controlling several media bans is very easy. And now it turns out that everyone in their pocket has a phone with a mega camera. And anyone who passes by can remove the crime and at the same time post it on the social network. And he can also identify who exactly committed the crime, what nationality he has and where he works. And write about it. The world is very close. Everyone has become a small media. You can no longer control everyone. Times have changed, their prohibitions do not work and they will never work again. But they don’t want to believe it, as they want to live according to the laws. Therefore, they struggle in agony, demanding that everything be forbidden and everyone be jailed, so that no one will hear about the crimes. At the same time, the easiest option to do so that you are not told - not to commit crimes - is not even considered.

But if the marasme again wins and we are forbidden to write nationality and place of work, then everyone will write “persons without nationality”, “born in the city...” or “persons with a job forbidden to indicate.” The law is 100% enforced. And 100% of readers understand who it is. And what next? Will it be forbidden to write “persons without nationality”? well well. And it could not be stated all this if law enforcement agencies worked as appropriate. But often the only way to make them work is public resonance. And the citizens want to take away the only legal instrument. The worst part is that no one is concerned about crime prevention. The only concern is that no one knows about them. Don’t fight with criminals. We will fight those who talk about them. We will win!

P.S

What do you think, dear reader, and who was the main fighter with the indication of the nationality of Italian criminals in the American media? Well, not to incite national hostility against the Italians and eradicate the American habit of considering them as bandits? Joseph Colombo is the head of the Colombo family, one of the New York City’s Five Families. That is, not just a bandit, but the most top ethnic bandit. This is information for reflection.

[ + 39 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157334
 20.12.2021
In the government’s fight against the coronavirus, most Russians are already on the side of the coronavirus.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №157333
 20.12.2021
XXX: Do you smoke?

Only after sex.

Xxx is out?

YYY: not started

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157332
 19.12.2021
After all, almost all rooms have rectangular angles, so why are robot vacuum cleaners round?

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №157331
 19.12.2021
and Alina! Are you disappointed in your profession? I read you for the second year, and I see a complete emotional burning out! What do you do to resource status?

Oh how! This is how I find out to make an impression on readers. Let us understand...

I have a colleague instructor who loves to take a voice and talk about self-sufficiency, self-confidence, the easy overcoming of all life difficulties, and all through hi-hi-ha-ha! You are girls! Like cows, through the fence moved, and further, coke, coke, coke!

The girls fly a long flight across the ocean. And if at first the overall temperature in the hospital cabin is quite calm, then after 6 hours, people switch the tubler, and the hammer! From the chair stands a two-meter ambal. Of course, he needs to swallow the mammoth, and he turns out, unscrupulously, fisting another, not the very, psychologically stable passenger, and not yet sober. The third, just boring and not a hero to do, he, of course, considers it his duty to fit:
What about the boy?

A couple of minutes, starts treasures, in the best traditions of criminal news compilation on REN-tv. Connect the wives who behave like these, the last passengers. One of the screams:
Fuck him full!
The Other:
You are a dead man! We will arrest you!
The third, just voicing hysterically on the whole room.
From the back rows already scream that there is urine:
Call the boat guards to stop this shit!

Well, if other passengers join for help, and pull off at the corners of the debosshiers. Definitely, the worst will be brought to us in the kitchen to provide the first pre-medical. And in general, get stuck with him afterwards, on all vacation photos to be captured with a lamp under the eye, and scattered eyebrows and upper lip.

Or, a person begins to die naturally in flight. I remember two instances when our actions were led by resuscitators. Both, the first time and the second time. I do not condemn them at all, because they were quietly drunk, and they also have the right to relax after their, in something similar, with our work. At the same time, I was the first, and probably the last time, to see what a precardial stroke looks like in reality, and clear resuscitation measures.

The truth that opened up to me. For real professionals, alcohol is not an obstacle. The hands remember and do (the eyes probably no longer fear)
or...

Fire in the left engine, conjunction from the runway during the acceleration, a cracked fortress in the cockpit, a failure to build the chassis after takeoff, prepared emergency landings. The same when you have to take yourself into your hands and prepare a whole salon, explaining to people in wild panic, how to survive in a blow, in a fire and live on,... such a long and happy life.

Everything ended well...Here only coc, coc, coc doesn’t work.
After such flights, colleagues quietly crawl out of the airports, and can not say a word. So many words and emotions in this silent silence.

After such flights, colleagues start smoking, drinking, and quarrelling.

After such flights, colleagues still go to work, and in flight are reborn like a Phoenix bird. Or otherwise no! If not us, then who?

and yes! Psychological terms do not exist in my picture of the world. The summer psychologist plays us abundantly with such concepts as exhaustion, emotional exhaustion, reduction, deformation and other labours, which I easily replace with one native verb – joke!
Is everything right away in place? Agree with?

@aerostory

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157330
 19.12.2021
That the retirement age would be raised, I was told by a taxi driver in Peter in the 90s.

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №157329
 18.12.2021
Xxx: I am a man, I am 59, I have 5 years to retire.

and suddenly! I felt like a woman and wanted to change gender de jure.

Attention question: Can I retire in a year with a successful change of sex "de jure".



Yyy: As children are small, we already have a zero mechanism at the federal level. Cut off time and that’s all. As a woman, he did not work for a day. A man no longer exists. elementary as well.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №157328
 18.12.2021
Expensive medicines do not help the sick, but they help their doctors well.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №157327
 18.12.2021
A friend from Peter Sergey Dedinsky told about his adventure.
So from his words.

After training, I walked in a hurry along Maratha Street, obediently stopped at the lighthouse and suddenly heard someone shout desperately: Phila! by Phil! Filed to!
A girl with an orphaned leash approached rapidly from the side of the Young Spectator Theatre Park:
Did you see that there was no small tax here? Here’s one, – demonstrating the size of the pet with the big and pointing fingers, she asked.
“No,” I answered honestly, “and we ran together.
- And what happened, - a man joined us on the march, - who are they stealing?
- We pursue a taxi, - I say, - this is one, - and I show with my fingers which one.
Are there signs? He asks, what habits, what characteristics. Is it on your left foot?
“R does not speak,” I answered, “the most harmful, the legs short, the character calm, but unbalanced.
“Of course,” said the man, “my aunt, one in one, we’ll find. Those fucking people are not lost. Who is owner?
I stood on the side of the girl.
“Calm,” she said, “Madame, how do we call it?
Phil answered the girl.
Very pleasant to me, Nicholas. You run in the street, and I will run into the courtyard. I know all the gardens here.
We run on, the girl screams, I look at the sides, the man is studying the hole.
Suddenly from an oracle:
I found! It is crazy, shit! Fuck, you bit me.
And comes out of the darkness of the courtyard with a hairy cat in his hands.
“Here,” he said, “I found it in the laundry and ate dinner.
First of all, it is not a tax. Second, it’s not a dog at all, it’s a cat.
"I see myself," he replies, "that the cat, there was not seen, I hear somebody whisper, and I caught it. I’ll keep it for myself, even if it’s not a tax, and it’s not worse.
They continued running.
The girl asks all the passers about the subject of a taxi, someone answers that she has not met, someone points forward with her hand, there, she said, went.
- You hear, - asks the man, - maybe she ran into the store, a hundred meters later "Red and White" will be, I have a discount there, let's go?
“Then,” I say, “you have to find it first, the girl won’t survive.
And this is how we run, the girl in front, we and the man and the cat just behind, we breathe loudly, but try not to lag behind.
Suddenly the man stops, breathes and says:
- I remembered, there from the drainage pipe, two hundred meters back, just in the direction of the store, someone's ass rolled with a tail, but I didn't give any importance at first.
We shouted the girl and ran back. And exactly the pipe, and from it the back of the taxi rolls, as I did not notice it, I will not mind.
The girl grabbed this part right behind the tail and pulled it out. Phila seemed dissatisfied at first that they were taken away from the matter, but then she even rejoiced and began to lick the mistress. Clearly tears, hugs, thanks, vows, that never again.
- You hear, - says Nikolai, when the girl left, - I do not repeat twice, but once again I pay attention to the fact that the store to ten is functioning, go cat wash. I am catering. Do you have money?
Go, I agree, the cat is sacred.
Today, in the center of St. Petersburg, this heartbreaking story took place, which ended as all the stories that take place in the world’s most good and responsive city should end.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №157326
 18.12.2021
The anecdotes that all taxi drivers know how to run the country turned out to be a lie.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №157325
 17.12.2021
One day I put on a new sweater for “very expensive” (for me). He felt like a god of attraction. Two girls came to me and asked me to take a picture. To say that I was in shock is to say nothing. But you won’t surprise me, especially I was on such a rise in self-confidence! Of course, I did not refuse them. Then there was a big mess and misunderstanding. They wanted me to take a picture of them, and they didn’t realize when I stood next to one of them. and. and.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №157324
 17.12.2021
He was so economical that he didn’t even tell the whole truth.

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