Dear passengers! Be courteous to each other. Give up seats to the elderly, passengers with children, pregnant women and children of Briand officials.

Periodically get calls from all sorts of companies that promise gold mountains in business after using their services. Always polite to them said “no, thank you”, “not interested” after which there was a bunch of questions like why you don’t want, etc. and etc. And the last time there was a good mood and there was the following dialogue. I was sitting in my office and discussing the production issue with a colleague, as a cell phone call came from the Moscow number. Next I am (I), the girl manager from the company "Rog and Copy" is (M), the operator from the company "Rog and Copy" is (O).

A: Hi, you are concerned by the company "Corn and Copy" we are the pioneers in the field of web design and generally the coolest in this field of blabla

I (with a Caucasian accent): pornographic sites do it?

I change you to the manager.

Hello, my name is Olga, what is your name, how can I help?

I (all the same Caucasian accent): I’m Mahamed, I need a porn site, there’s a boy boy video, a boy seeking, a boy 2 girls, a bamboo?

M (with the speed of the bullet) : We do not want to see! He dropped the phone. This was the first time they interrupted the conversation.

Recently, as in almost all cities, we put a tree on the square. Yesterday I walked past her and watched a wonderful picture. Near the tree stood two people - a mother and a child aged 8-12 with a backpack. Mother spotted something in the tree and just as I passed by, she took the ball from the tree, showed the child and put her jacket in her pocket. A great example to imitate. And judging by the small number of balls at the distance of the stretched arm, this mommy is not the only one. I think it should be just shameful to steal from the public tree, and even more so balls, which cost 20 rubles a piece maximum. If you really need it, go and buy it. Why steal it?



And then people wonder why everyone in the country steals... People, start with yourself. Those like this mummy are no better than other thieves, because they not only steal, but also teach the new generation to steal.

Today I and my wife are in the company. We work in different places, but it coincided. Yesterday, my wife was dressed in different clothes until night, and I worked as an expert on women’s beauty. Today I brought a health package with equipment that can be equipped with a small barber.

I also had a corporate, I thought and put on a new tie...

The Wife:

Who are you there to tempt? ! to

Last year, on December 31, he began to receive a lot of homogeneous greetings from friends and acquaintances (stories there, jokes). But I personally decided not to use templates, but to write congratulations to everyone myself and from the heart. Started with a good friend, wrote several lines with wishes, humor and warmth. I read it, I read it, it did not go badly. And, not only that I decided to send this compliment to everyone else, I received it back twice.

Once Pulkovo will now be named Dostoevsky - the general hall will be renamed "Humiliated and Insulted", and the business - in "Besos".

They told the story of an ordinary man who married a descendant aristocrat. White bone and blue blood. She ate on silver and understood all the subtleties and shades of wine. Young people decided to live separately from rich parents and rely only on themselves. And at some point, the man became wondering if his wife could really distinguish the ordinary good wine from the great one. And he bought a bottle of the most expensive wine he had enough money for. I put it in a bottle of ordinary wine. And trying not to give up anything, he offered to drink a little wine in the evening. He poured wine on the glasses.
The wife looked at the wine, made a little swallow and said:
Oh my God, what a fool you are. What money will we spend the whole month?

She found sketches of tattoos that she still kept in the universe.
For the first time, I was glad I had no money.

XXX is insomnia. is boring. I decided to remove the wattsap. It came to me that it seemed to me that he was somehow strangely encrypting the local archive. I tried to open the archive of one account from another account. has opened. Probably the key is used one for one device, I thought I decided to try with my wife’s phone. It has a password, but Bluetooth is included. Okay, we get remote access to the FS on bluetooth. I have her archive. Opened up! That is how I divorced.



yyy: And how to access the parched Android file system by bluetooth? A friend is interested.



Did you want to get divorced too?

So I had a girlfriend and she asked me to hack the postbox of the senior because it was something to someone and I had to prove it. I, as the best hacker in the whole city (Windows XP reinstalled with his eyes closed and the license key knew by hand, well, and "you are learning a programmer") didn't come up with anything smarter than:

1st Closed box type administrator_s@что-to.ru

2nd I wrote to this old-age girl type: "Bla-bla technical failure, we sprinkled your data, please write the login and password you use to log in, type we will bring to our database"

and began to wait. The answer is login and password.

I write to her: “Thank you for cooperation, the information has been updated, continue to use our service.”

So I hacked the first and only mailbox from which the password did not change for several years. The old man actually spilled some infusion.

And I am ashamed of this act, but then the hormones played and the desire to eat.

and Taxi.

With the words "with the attacking" a woman sat by me in a good mood. She talked about the New Year’s mood, about the fact that she has already put a tree and bought presents for the children. She really served me a mandarine, although I refused for a long time.

By the middle of the trip, the phrases "Oh, how beautifully dressed the street" and "Oh, look what a funny cap on the carapuse" changed to "do not pay teachers for merits" and "every coin of the shore, so that children can buy sweets."

In general, instead of $120 she paid $100 motivated by the fact that I ate her mandarine, and she was worth money.

They told the story of an ordinary man who married a descendant aristocrat. White bone and blue blood. She ate on silver and understood all the subtleties and shades of wine. Young people decided to live separately from rich parents and rely only on themselves. And at some point, the man became wondering if his wife could really distinguish the ordinary good wine from the great one. And he bought a bottle of the most expensive wine he had enough money for. I put it in a bottle of ordinary wine. And trying not to give up anything, he offered to drink a little wine in the evening. He poured wine on the glasses.



The wife looked at the wine, made a little swallow and said:

Oh my God, what a fool you are. What money will we spend the whole month?

From the discussion of hidden cameras in rental apartments

Damn, Edak and I could be a porn star.

BBB: look for yourself on requests!))

ccc: The boy caught the calf for two hours, and then finished in a minute.mp4 (02:01:03)

ddd: Section “Tiny penises”

A friend told me. He worked a twelve-hour shift, the second in 2 days, and at work also celebrated someone's birthday, drank a drink. Here he sits, at half twelve, at an empty metro station, waiting for the train. Because of the column, two real puppies come out, look around the surroundings, and resolutely towards him.

“Thank you, man,” they say.

“Well, guys,” the friend replied.

As you can remember, he was very tired, and a little sluggish. He understood what he was going to do, but he was no longer afraid and powerless.

Are you waiting for the train?

I wait.

Do you have a phone, man?

There are guys.

Do you have a good phone?

I have a great phone, guys.

Pofigism and fatigue overcame my friend completely.

What if I pick? Questioned by the boy.

“Try it,” the friend replied.

At the same time he had no illusions about the outcome of the fight; he was like a crushed lemon, but they were still two. I just had to answer something.

The boys looked around, shrugged their shoulders and said:

Okay, take care of yourself.

We left at sunset.

What do you know about failure?



Polarist Douglas Mousson and two of his colleagues were returning to the base in Antarctica after a long expedition. On December 14, 1912, a tragedy occurred - one of Mousson's colleagues failed in a crack and died. Together with him, the stall failed, which contained most of the supplies and a tent. To the base scientists had to go almost 500 km. The situation was complicated by the fact that the temperature did not rise above -20 ° C and the strong wind did not stop.

Due to a shortage of food, Moson and Merz had to eat the meat of the surviving dogs, and the sanes to drag on their own.

Three weeks later, on January 8, 1912, Merz died, and Moson continued his journey alone. He had to get rid of almost everything to ease the san.

A few days before the end of the journey, the polar failed to crack in the ice, but managed to escape. When Moson managed to get to the base, it turned out that the ship "Aurora", on which he was supposed to sail home, departed 5 hours ago!

Military school, a lecture on tactics. The teacher for one and a half hours talks about the organization of security and defense of the position of the unit. Discuss diversion and intelligence groups and methods of combating them. And suddenly he says:

- You know, in fact, these saboteurs are not so scary... Idiots in the leadership – that’s what is really scary. Well, the sabotage explodes the bridge, it is unpleasant, but it can be restored. An idiot is able to rebuild something that there is nothing to rebuild.

I thought here - the most disgusting thing, with the saboteurs I have not yet faced, but idiots meet regularly. It is a pity that no one has been taught to fight them.

My father and I went home from town to village. On the way I fell asleep and slept halfway. She woke up, and the father after a short silence says: "I go, he says, I see that the birds in front of the road are sitting, they are not going to fly away, even, he says, the light of the fares does not shake them. And next to you you are sleeping, I think if I ring, the daughter will wake up. So I broke them.”

I used to name all sorts of credit institutions, bank employees, investment companies, etc. about-money shell. I don’t use the “crawl” way. I always use the “Article” method. As a rule, on that end sits a green swallow in a white blouse and from the phrase combination Article 137 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation strongly mangrages and hardly continues the conversation.

But from today I’ve been chasing for a long time. The call.

- Sergey Alexandrovich, good day, you are worried about Alpha Bank, we would like to offer you...

I interrupt :

Sorry to interrupt you, what is your name?

Olga (I don’t remember exactly)

Olga, where did you get my number?

-Bla-Bla, the general database of bank numbers.

Do you know what is Article 137 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation?

A heavy breath.

It began

I put the phone.

Men are silent more often than they listen.

Cognitive dissonance
"the state of mental discomfort of an individual caused by a collision in his consciousness of conflicting ideas"

12 years for a girl in Israel or just Bat-Mitzwa (13 years and Bar-Mitzwa for boys, respectively) is a majority, a great event that is not inferior to the significance of the wedding, and in the magnitude of the celebration sometimes exceeds it.
But often parents, having thrown up the upcoming expenses to the nose and realizing that they will have to drink and feed... a hundred people, whom the child has not seen in the eyes, and it is not for nothing, go to a quite reasonable compromise with regard to themselves and the culprit of the celebration:
"Well, let's gather a full hall of people, and you'll be a real princess there, or let's fly somewhere for a couple of weeks of your choice? The answer to the provocative-territorial question is usually obvious.
The first princess on her DR prototyped with her mother America from ocean to ocean.
The second child also turned out to be "not a freer" and on timid attempts to sell her Disneyland from Europe, she said harshly: I will always have time to Paris. This time it is Japan.

Japan is Japan!
Organized tour for the weak, we do everything ourselves, and here Daddy sat in forums, google maps and flight aggregators, and quietly sitting mother went to torture the internet with queries: "earthquakes in Japan" "to buy a child from the Yakuza", "what to do if the child is lost in Kyoto", "whether geisha is contagious" and so on.
Running forward, I will say that Cassandra's syndrome is not alien to her spouse, and in part her fears were realized. On the day of our departure to Japan it (Japan) trembled well, but we were still connected in Paris at this time. On the day of our departure from the Land of the Rising Sun, with one eye I watched the heroic game of the Russian national team at the World Cup, and in the second - the heroic work of the Japanese emergency services, since Kyoto was already covered by flooding. I lost my child once, but not in Kyoto, but in Osaka. Geisha and Yakuza did not work. And in general, he had to tattoo with a sports bandage in the local sauna, because the eyes of the samurai grandparents, who were not afraid, just shouted: "I am charging!"

and Japan. Everything that is written about her is true and false. You can’t feel it when you listen to other people’s stories. You have to visit there. I have spent most of my life in a country with a fairly good level of service, but in Japan this level is prohibited. I looked into the eyes of these aliens who were ready to make harakiri if they couldn’t help you, and I wanted to shout, “I don’t believe it!” It cannot be so good.
After all, when you leave the resort (a national hotel), and the owner accompanies you, standing on your knees and worshiping, you torment yourself with the question: - Is he grateful to you that you gave him money, or praises God that you finally dropped?

But gradually we believed, and, and allowed this world to settle within us and relax, like a herb bath in the onsen.
For skeptics, yes, of course – I know about the highest levels of stress in Japan, and deaths at work, and the forest of suicides, and maniacs in the subway, but the child does not need to know it, she has a journey into a fairy tale – and the fairy tale Japan knows how to implement like no other country.

to the affair. Last day, again Tokyo, the Sibuya district, something like Manhattan in the United States, neon, engines, euphoria, a comfortable hotel with a swimming pool. Behind and Disney, and Universal, and the Valley of the Geysers, and the Imperial palaces. My child is happy and I don’t need it anymore. though though! I go to the minimarket, buy something for little, among other things, take a bottle of local whiskey (alcohol they have, by the way, quality). I talk to the youngest on the phone, what else to do. The rainbow Japanese with a smile, of course, shutterly packing shopping. Then came the whiskey. And suddenly, VOICE like from a distant planet, destroying the rainbow Japanese dome:
Do you need glasses under the bottle?
To say that I am oh...l, nothing to say. And he stands and slides, pleased with the effect.
I am in shock, I watch. “Well, Japanese, what is gold in your mouth for a fix?
“It’s okay, brother, I’m a Tajik, I study here at the university, I work in the evening. I wanted to laugh at you!

So I got to know Anzura and cognitive dissonance.