bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №107554
 30.12.2014
to this:
17 December 2014, Wednesday. I say to my wife:
In two weeks, a new year.
She is:
and less. After a half.
I counted it three times in my mind, and it seemed like it was all right. I ask :
Why at half?
I don’t count this week anymore.
– – – – –
I have such a friend, in the army, the time before dembel thought:
2 August. I think September is over.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №107553
 30.12.2014
In the afternoon, my daughter packed gifts on my bed, as it turned out.
And now I have a celebration - all blossoms in the glow.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №107552
 30.12.2014
We pay for "free search" All are happy.
— — —
We put an adblock, let the "free search" someone else "pay".

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №107551
 30.12.2014
xxxxxxxxxxx:
My TV is 5 years old.
I see no reason to change it :)

OOOU :
My Hitachi is 18 years old. I love him.

and ZZZ:
Samsung, bought the first wife as a gift in 1999

The AAA:
Why did the first wife not take the telecast with her?

and ZZZ:
because I took a large plasma with me, which at the time was six months old))

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №107550
 30.12.2014
from 16193:

It is stupid! The celebration took place in autumn! What to fuck the gut and the dead on the frost? Or in your poor mind has not arisen the idea that once a year on a girl, any village will die out.
Good Santa, give her a new brain!

An attempt to humor
The previous NH. Seventeen o’clock in the morning, January 1. I am driving.
Brake the Gaia.
I extend documents: sober, without money, did not violate the rules.
Good New Year, no man!


[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №107549
 30.12.2014
J: Hi, listen, please create me a promo page for my group-shop VK, if not difficult.
M: Okay, I can even free in honor of the New Year.
J: Oh thank you! You’ve come up with a design from my group, okay?
M: Okay, we will see.
#####################
M: Listen, I made a few sketches here, what do you think?
Hm, let’s get the second, just change the background.
#####################
M: See what happened.
Design of FIGN.
M: What is FIGN?
J: Oh, that is all. I’d better learn myself and do what I want.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №107548
 30.12.2014
I get out of work. The child is sitting bent - promised to come much earlier. And cats are cheerful, kind and looking in the eyes.
Diet: I am hungry!
I: the hungry - learning from the cats, they kiss my feet, and guess who will eat first?
I feel like I am superfluous in your family!

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №107547
 30.12.2014
For the first time since the corporate, I look the boss in the eyes without fear. Because he did not drink. and :(

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №107546
 30.12.2014
VRS: On inter-holiday days, when there are only 2 people in the office, it immediately becomes clear who has hidden and quietly met in the neighboring toilet cabin >_<

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №107545
 30.12.2014
xxx: I decided to hint on him that I don’t want a relationship and that everything goes too far, but he doesn’t seem to understand me.
YYY: And how do you hint?
XXX from far away
YYY: How is it?
xxx: I tell him about the principle of consistency in the psychology of influence

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №107544
 30.12.2014
In the late 90s. Celebrated at the quarry. Everyone got drunk and went where they could. Summer, night... From different angles: "Hot...Suddenly..."The owner solved the problem radically - got out of the bed to the hammer and shouted: "Zapali!", sparked into the window... The bell of broken glass... "A-a, cayf, freshly". Everyone finally calmed down. In the morning, hyacee - the window is whole... and the hyacee in the TV

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №107543
 30.12.2014
I’ve been on a taxi several times in a month. Every time the cars come more and more cool. The crisis, however.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №107542
 30.12.2014
I have a very social cat and always responds to my name. In the darkness of the night, I pinch her, so as not to come or take her.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №107541
 30.12.2014
And we have a receiver of digital television mystery with a firmware bug, in the TV program title cuts the last letter.
Time on the first channel in its performance more accurately reflects the essence of the broadcast than its official name.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №107540
 30.12.2014
We have a client, a Chinese, they are called Angela X*y. Everyone is so accustomed that they do not perceive insult, well, the name is Chinese, you will think. Curious things happen:
I am in the mail.
Manager: Why is it?
C: Angel X*y should be sent)))

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №107539
 30.12.2014
The Russian Microsoft Office. Press the right button on the word "clean", please show synonyms. List of such: "to steal, to steal, to rob, to clean"...

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №107538
 30.12.2014
I decided to run in BF4, I chase 10 minutes on the Polish servacle, I have already filled with 15 fragues... whisper, fuck and write "EMBARGO ON". Poland, I will avenge you!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №107537
 30.12.2014
Real luck is not winning a million in the lottery. True luck is the first time to get to a good, real doctor.

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №107536
 30.12.2014
About the stereotypes.

I recently visited my sister in Dublin.
On Friday evening, I went with her boyfriend to skip a glass. My sister had other things to do, she said she would come and take us.
We went well, and I with my 1.90 height and 90 kg of weight went anywhere, but her boyfriend with a height of 1.75 and weight, in the eye, 70 kg, apparently in vain tried not to lag behind me.
When the sister arrived, the boy was left only to bear. Seeing such an affair she gives me the keys to the car, like you are already going, and I go to the toilet and to you.
I carry out the body, literally on my shoulder, and I see — next to the car of my sister is a police car, immediately two police officers and four pieces of some little ones, disassembly is going, but for now on words. And here I am, with my body across my shoulder. I pushed past them, polite, “sorry, sorry” and as if I had forgotten where I was – I opened the right front door, I put the body there, I closed the door, I sat back. We sit and wait.
I hear — it’s been quiet, and the police and the minors are just staring at us in stupor.
It comes to me here. I go out, pull the body out of the wheel, move to the left, place, close, say to the police, say sorry, a Russian tourist, confused. Those rubs, then they say:
We thought so.
- That is, - explains one, - it is all around when people are driving drunk and it is bad. But when we saw that you drove the body in full shutdown, we decided that only the Russians could do so.
What to do? Usually the bear carried us, but today he is waiting at the nuclear reactor, to drive no one.
They barely hit, rushing again.
Here, a sister just appeared, saw all our company, asks:
What have you already done here?
We reassured her, said everything was okay, said goodbye to the police, one noticed, looking at his sister, that, said, you have cute bears. Tom is separated.

These are stereotypes.

SJ

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №107535
 30.12.2014
It is such a feeling that the TV channel editors make up the program as follows: “This is a good movie. We put it for an hour at night.”

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