My husband is burning 😉
- And you know that if you take off the sausage skin and fill it carefully with cotton, then you will get a sausage?
–! 😉 😉 😉

xxx: I work in the copy center (xerox, printing, scanning) many clients, a stream of people, sometimes some forget to pick up the flash, I have these flashes at home already lies gig on 300
It’s not that I steal them, just that nobody comes back after them and they go into my dirty hands.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
XXX: This is not the point. About 2 weeks ago I forgot one client flash, I saw it for the first and last time, I sit today, and she lies on the table, so lonely, brilliant, red, beautiful-pretty. did not hold back, connected, and with the words "go to mom" put on formatting.
YYY: I’m starting to guess.
XXX is yes. He came for her. I raise my eyes - it stands when the window just pops "formatting is complete".
I felt like a Darth Vader telling Luke that he was his father. and silent "noooooooooo" in his eyes

The smoking factory:
Do you know, brother, what we lack in the shop?
2 is well?
One is Bordeaux!
2: Oh, that should be the bordels...
1: Yes, I saw the game of Mishka, there you can create bordels and get instantly wherever you go!
2: O_O
1: Well you pretend that once and on the installation or reservoir, and not to scratch the sandwiches on the frost!
I: Weather, maybe these portals?
Well, fucking the portals, I don’t remember exactly.
No... the portals, of course, are necessary, but the bordels are missing.

The son (4 years) completely refuses to shave under the pretext "I want hair like my mom". And a few days ago, he got wet: he looks at me in the decoult and, thoughtfully, says, "Mommy, I want the same breasts as you have."
Shouldn’t I take him to Thailand anymore?

A man, like a good wine, grows more and more with the years.

I decided to buy a ring to my wife, but so that without a fireplace, I just don't know the size. Waited until she fell asleep stronger, got her magical box with screws and began to measure her thumbs on the finger, no other way invented. I picked up the right size, and the next day I went to buy a ring. I went to the jewelry store, and there the hall was divided into two sections. To me immediately runs the girl: “What do you want...”, herself barely restrains laughter. I said, “I want to buy a ring.” The question is, “What size do I need?” Here I proudly get the hood and say, “This is the size.” The girl laughed hysterically, bending and crying from laughter, she said, “Sorry,” and ran away. I was prepared for that reaction. I went looking for another girl in the neighboring section. I go there, there a man with a girl talking, standing on my back. I say to the girl, say, I need a ring of this size, and I show her a gauge. The man turns around, and in his hands... Bolt is!! to
So, with tears in the eyes of laughter (weeping all three) picked up the ring they wanted.

Explanatory: We, students of 4th grade, took a lecture on religion. Reason: The anger is over.

Half of the office was late to work today. And almost everyone brought an explanation: “Late, because the alarm is set on working days, and today is Saturday.”
Habits of the Second Nature

3.14th year
I ordered the carpet in the online store yesterday, they did not call me again. now I call them and the grandmother (live) says"the subscriber is not available or is not in the network’s zone";
City Telephone

Damn man, this was really the most delicious soup in my life.
Yyy: You fell in love with her, clear red soup tasty
WOW: She could cook you Nihui soup, it would also look delicious.
WOW: I would also add: "these were the best nihuas in my life"

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Where did you leave the company yesterday? And you, and Anja, and Lena, and Tatiana Nikolaevna... I drank one!! to
That was corporate!
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh? to
WOW: Lena and I just woke up in an embrace naked in an unknown apartment. And here we try to remember what it was and how we got here.
The company says...

News on one of the regional websites: an actor of the Irkutsk puppet theater was detained on suspicion of selling hashish. A 40-year-old dollmaker sells hashish right in the lobby of a puppet theater. He claims that haschish is used as a replacement therapy for alcohol dependence - he said, clink clinking.
First comment: This is no different. Wash your hand in your ass for 20 years for Artemons and Malvinas

XHH: I noticed one interesting thing. The beard on the right cheek grows faster than on the left.

WOW: It is fun. Now you can determine where the north is and where the south is :D

Proff: The last attempt to play a computer game was epic when I put GTA IV and thought about playing friends to ask which keys to plug and turn on.

Proff: They are still bullied. Well, at least refrained from the question of how to obtain a gun permit...

From the clan chat browser game:

Who’s in the mood for the New Year?
-Not at all, all holidays work, 1 January morning to start, * ambulance * without weekends...
-You are in an ambulance, and I am a cook in the kindergarten (always needed people) will agree?
You are treating, we are treating.)

And we have grown from trees and shrubs near the house and in the summer there is also one comrade naked and in a coat. We are already accustomed to him. And even hoping to see him in the cold weather. Everything in the world is changing, but the man between the trees is not. It is pleasant))

In general, when I saw the Nissan Juke for the first time, I immediately thought that not only our children know how to blow a frog through a pine.

There are strange writers working on Wikipedia. In the article on the nasal cavity no illustration (in an English-language article at least there is). But here in the article about the soppy photo of a semi-dry goat with a large plan. As if anyone could calmly look into the nasal cavity and see how everything is inside, but no one has ever seen a goat in their lives.

Comments on the tablet from the website of one online store:
The thing!! to
Advantages: Design, battery - no comments at all, the display - just a fairy tale... can be listed to infinity!
Disadvantages: I can’t take away my wife.

Recently, when I came back from work, I fell under the wet snow. I went home for a long walk, and during the time I was walking, I had time to form on the roads. Well, on the approach to the house, as you must remember, I begin to descend from the hill.
xxx: I decided to shake the old: I ran out, got up on the ice and drove at full speed from the hill on my two. It was fun: the wind, the wind, the snow in the harry... And here I notice that somehow right on my troubled path at the foot of the hill arises a small container filled with garbage and fuck it knows, what else. Per he himself turned (he was on the wheels), maybe he put a hz. Of course, I didn’t have time to react to him.
xxx: In short, now for me the expression "looking into the shit shit" also has a literal meaning. :(