At one time, my father gave me a very good advice, which saved me 90% from getting into the friendzone. I need to call a girl on a date. Not “go to drink beer,” “go to the cafe,” no. “I want to invite you to a date.” As practice has shown, in most cases, girls perceived this immediately as the beginning of the affair, if they agreed, or said immediately "no". Maybe someone can help)

The girl told the story of a couple from her hometown (she knows them personally). The banal story:

They have lived together for a long time and have a young son. After some time, the husband had a mistress on his side and from her he also had a son. Nothing predicted trouble until the wife learned about the mistress and arranged a scandal.

Do you know how I found out?

The faithful led their common son to introduce him to the "brother".

In the second class I liked a group. And I am one of those people who don’t say their nose on the street, I spend all my free time playing games. Social skills are zero, and romantic skills are negative. How to? All decided by case.

The girl was looking for someone to go to the exhibition of paintings, and I was so friendly to earn, imposed and paid for two. We have common topics to talk about. I went to the cinema regularly and the taste was similar. I wanted to care, to make a person pleasant, but as if to do it non-obsessively, because it is scary to uncover all the cards at once. I sought a reason and found it. In conversations, the girl often mentioned some little thing: whether it was an ice cream she liked as a child, or stickers with a favorite series. I believe that this is how the best gifts get - you listen, and the person will tell you what he wants. I had to run around town in search of ice cream. And here I allegedly accidentally encountered a ice cream, similar to the description, and handed it as a small present by pure coincidence on March 8. And so it was a year and a half of uncomfortable walks and half-hour bumping at the door of the dorm room with a gift in the hands. I think it is time to decide whether to be or not to be. The case also helped. I practiced in the universe deanate, transferred student cards into electronic form, and I got her card. And there are all the data: home address, phone number (which she was very embarrassed to give, there is a social network why the phone) and birthday, which in 2 weeks. I remember everything that stories from the internet have taught me. And all I remember is that I need to be more persistent. Let it be now and on vacation in another city, but thanks to the internet and mobile phone everything is possible, there would be money. Zagreb all student savings, found the delivery of flowers, thank them huge, florist helped me collect the bouquet, I said the color, and she showed the flowers. I ordered delivery for afternoon, until noon the girl is asleep. She was impressed that I knew the address in some way, because of the common acquaintances no one knew him. And when we returned to school, I told her that I liked her and would like to get to know her closer. And I’d be happy to say that we’ve been together for 5-10 years, but after that I’ve been completely ignored everywhere, and I still don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Difficult to wear.

This happened when I was eight or nine. I studied very well, and for that reason Mommy did not check my diary. What to check there? What to watch? Five with rare inputs of four? It’s boring, as Dr. House said. There is nothing to criticize, except a crude handwriting. Therefore, every Saturday, Mamula scrupulously praised me, wrote in a diary, and the question of my success was closed. I was more than satisfied. I did not need praise, I was interested in studying on my own, but nobody came to me with all kinds of nonsense, did not require a housekeeper for examination, did not force me to tell the paragraphs out loud. No one knew this, not even the teacher.

But one day I surpassed myself. I had a really striking week, a stachanovsky week, and the twist of the diary was completely covered with excellent ratings. Every day, from Monday to Saturday, a few five, and some even with a plus. There was something to be proud of!

I decided to make my mom so happy! In full, with a surprise! That she came from work and right away - ah! to obey! How did you succeed? You are my smart!

Immediately, the surprise came to fame. Not exactly the way I thought...

After opening the diary, I put it on my secretary’s desk. Unfortunately, the diary was completely lost against the backdrop of the mess that reigned there: dangerously crushed mountains of books, some scripts and handwritings, paper fragments, mummified apple bits, under-eaten sandwiches... Well, what I will be crucifying here, many of us have gone through this. Both as children and as parents.

I had to put order. Particularly valuable sludge I sprinkled on the boxes, textbooks built on the ranch, carefully disassembled notebooks, drafts and other textbooks, thrown out the garbage and even wiped out the table with a wet cloth. The result did not make myself wait – I got a concise, strict composition on the subject of a round excellence, the center of which was a diary.

But there was still something missing. I felt some annoying incompleteness. Need an accent, I decided and, turning on the desk lamp, directed it to the diary. To enhance the effect, the upper light was turned off.

Oh yeah yes! That was what needed! It was beautiful and high artistic!

Immersed in almost complete darkness, the room was a great background. And the soft yellow light of the table lamp formed a mysterious sphere in which a bright spot highlighted my surprise.

I was completely satisfied – beyond such a hint could not be passed. Mommy just had no right not to be interested, but what’s there? But here is the trouble: knowing my mommy, I was sure she would go the shortest way. That is, asking a question in the head and all, the end of the intrigue.

I decided to hide. I will observe. And when Mommy bows over the diary, I suddenly jump out and shout:

and ah!

What is “Aga”? Why “Aga”? What thought did I want to express with this “aga”? I had no idea, but the idea made me excited.

I chose my closet as my refuge. First, it was much more convenient to jump out of it suddenly than, for example, from under the bed or the table. Secondly, the space under the table was easily viewed from the threshold. And, thirdly, on the bottom of the large two-piece section my mom folded our pillows and blankets, so it was comfortable there.

Comfortably settled on the soft, I covered the door, leaving a small leaflet for observation and fell asleep. It just instantly broke.

This situation, when a child hides somewhere and falls asleep, is often described in literature. Believe me, it is based on real events.

Meanwhile, Mommy came back from work. There was an unusual order in the room. Pleasantly surprised, even upset, she wanted to say a great human thanks to me, but couldn’t – I was nowhere. Not in the room, not in the public kitchen, not in the toilet or bathroom. A little worried, Mommy knocked at the neighbors. They told me that I came from school, it is true, I ate lunch, and then crawled there and there and grumbled with a mowing bowl. And where the result will be, they do not know.

And actually where? Going to Walk? But the coat hangs on the hanging, the boots roll on the carpet. Going to play with your girlfriend from above? I was allowed, but I had to leave a note. But there was no note, and there was no sound from above, which was completely uncharacteristic of our bustling games with Natasha. Maybe we are watching TV? Or do we read loudly?

Momou went up to the fifth floor and found out that I wasn’t there today. She ran along the entrance, ringing at all the doors, in some hats, ran out into the courtyard, where the courtyard just grabbed the snow. I was nowhere, and nobody saw me. I felt like I had failed through the earth, leaving behind me the perfect order.

A collegial decision was made to call the police, and Momula was just dressed to go down to the taxi, as the breakdown came.

I woke up from the noise – in the common communal corridor were loud excited voices. Not wanting to miss the most interesting, I quickly got out of my shelter and, burning out of curiosity, jumped out of the room.

A crowd of people crowded in the hallway - our neighbors in the apartment; our neighbors at the entrance; aunt of Light, the mother of my girlfriend from the apartment above; grandmother Clava, the well-deserved gossip of the whole court; some other people... And my mother, somewhat upset and alarmed, wore a coat.

I barely seemed on the threshold, all at once were silent and began to look at me. Such careful attention somewhat confused me, it obviously promised nothing good, and I stumbled. But my mother stopped me.

Where were you? She asked gently.

This tenderness could not deceive me, and I began to think convulsively, what did I do? Nothing like that came to mind, and the adults, meanwhile, were looking forward to my response.

“I was sleeping,” I cried out, and for some reason said, “In the closet.

All the eyes immediately turned to the mommy, the faces of the neighbors clearly read unfailing interest. Is this a new pedagogical approach? A young neighbor apologizes for Spartan education?

Do you sleep in the closet? “Trembling of excitement,” asked Aunt Clava. Here is the news! Arshine letters were written on her face.

The poor mommy! She was so petty about someone else’s opinion! She carefully cared about her reputation. And here the mother-in-law daughter in one word destroyed everything that was built for years. But Mommy decided to fight to the end.

What did you invent? – by all her strength depicting carelessness, she asked. Why should I sleep in the closet?

Why is? Well, how can you explain to adults your decision, which you personally find so simple and natural? How can you describe the logical chain that leads from the fifth to the closet in a few short words? Impossible, just impossible! Mommy was waiting. And everyone waited.

I said with despair. I wanted to get under the table first. It is more comfortable in the closet.

As Mark Twain once said, “Let’s drop the veil of pity over this scene.”

And the worst thing is that until my fifth, the matter did not happen that day.

From tomorrow the Russian Federation will follow the path of Norway and natural minerals will be declared the property of the people! Thus, already this month, revenues from oil sales of minus $120 billion will be distributed among the citizens of the country.

Xxx: I once dreamed that I was Excel, and my cells were being killed by incorrect data and formulas, oh how I was rooted in a dream.

YYY: I have never seen such porn before!

When I finished high school, a girl and I were very much in love with each other. Well, at least for a year, they said this to each other a hundred times a day. We were kissing. There was even a light pitch. But she put the condition that we will have sex only after we finish school. Even a date was appointed. Conditionally on June 1. And here, school, exams, awards, graduation is over. Since we lived quite far from each other, she had no phone at home, and there was a whole generation of schoolchildren ahead, we agreed with her that I would come to her on THIS DAY at a certain time, her parents would already be in the country.

I barely got off the wheels in those few days of waiting. At the specified moment (with an accuracy of a second) I am clean and odorable, with flowers and champagne knocking at her door.

My mother, sleepy and in bigods, opens her to me: “And she’s cha, didn’t she tell you? She went to "Nsk" yesterday, get used to it, prepare for entering the university there. What’s your lips shaking? Don’t drift, it will wake up and call.”



It all went so. She called 18 years later, having two former husbands and one child behind her shoulders. And the love she has carried through all these years. In her words, she tested her feelings and indeed, the love of her whole life was me.